GAY IN THE CARIBBEAN: Women Who Unknowingly Sleep With Gay & Bi-Sexual Men (Part 3)

The Oxford dictionary’s definition of is Bisexual – Attracted to the same both sexes.

In the mid seventies, what was coined as a sexual revolution began, actually began in the latter part of the sixites with the hippy movement but gained momentum in the mid seventies. With the onset of the Stonewall Riots, which signaled the beginning of the Gay Pride Movement and Woodstock (which celebrated music genres and the inclusion of a drug fueled generation) many men and women, who were once afraid to venture outside of societies accepted puritanistic norms began to experiment with taboo areas in their lives. One of those areas was bisexuality.

Now don’t get me wrong…bisexuality is quite immemorial, existing as old as the world’s oldest profession! But, with the development and publications of studies like the Kinseys study on human sexuality and a growing rampant trend on open homosexuality, bisexuality became an integral part of the worldwide sexual revoloution.

Today, it is not uncommon to hear within certain communities and more developed countries, that it is widely accepted.

However, from a Caribbean third world perspective, I will base my piece this week.

True story…

In 1998, I met and fell in love with a guy named Carlos. Now don’t go judging me here, but Carlos was married! I knew it from the very beginning and although, there was some trepidation, I went in with my eyes wide open.

Now whilst Carlos was married, his claim was that, he missed the variety that came with being single, apparently before his marriage he was quite a ladies man and when he wanted someone he had to have them. According to his account, he discovered his bisexuality during a ménage à trois, and he quite actually enjoyed it. He would never admit to his wife that he was bisexual, she, although educated, would never understand the term bisexual. She would immediately label him as being gay if she ever found out, but once again according to the oxford dictionary the meaning of bisexual is to be attracted to both sexes. So Carlos, was enjoying the best of both worlds, had his wife…the other woman…and yours truly! I don’t think Carlos ever felt any guilt about his sexual liberation, according to him, he was a sexual being and had certain sexual needs that one person couldn’t meet.

The Caribbean community, the magical islands, the beautiful gems of the Caribbean provide such welcome relief, tourists flock to these gems for a welcome relief of rest and relaxation but what we are hiding is the little secrets that makes the Caribbean islands such a paradise for some.

To say that there is a thriving bisexual community in Trinidad and Tobago will be an understatement. Yes you heard…AN UNDERSTATEMENT. Many men leave their wives under the pretense of going to the club, or liming with the boys and they find themselves on the prowl looking for a quick hook up! Trust me, a few years ago, I was invited to witness a spectacle at Princess building grounds in Port of Spain.

On any given night, and I am talking about any week night, you can observe the “gurls” meaning gay men, walking the block back and forth…and these men (men of a all statures in life) will drive by, slow down and if they found you to be attractive, good looking, a good package, they would pick you up. They would find a remote area, usually in some dark alley or up Lady Chancellor Hill for a quick relief. According to my sources it still exists today, although the venue has now changed to Woodbrook, along Ariapita Avenue. And of course, there is always at the back of Hilo Supermarket in Curepe where a thriving business still occurs.

In every Caribbean island, there are areas such as these, where this type of behavior occurs. In Barbados,  it’s in Bridgetown close to the port; in Jamaica it’s usually in New Kingston Town (but its hidden); in Guyana, it’s in Georgetown (the capital) close to the cathedral; in Tobago, it’s on the port and it’s a given fact that there is a thriving business at the world renowned – Store Bay!

You might ask, why is all of this information really necessary? The agenda here is to give the ladies reading this column an opportunity to learn. Within the metropolitan NY-Caribbean community, and also Canada, it is so easy to dismiss your husbands strange behavior as being tired, or not settled, or a number of reasons, but what you may or may not know is that your husband has been using the computer at home or at work and cruising websites such as adam4adam, blackgaychat, provemyselfdotcom,  backpage, or one of the more popular sites craigslist. I am not trying to create suspicion amongst members of the fairer sex, but, a lot of women are ignorant of the fact that their husbands are closet bisexuals. And whilst being bisexual is not wrong, what is wrong about it is when the wife is not aware and she is predisposed to being with someone that she doesn’t know. I am a proponent of truth, even if it hurts, you have a choice, you want to live your life a certain way, I am not against that, but what I am saying is that you need to let your partner know.

A few years ago, one of my acquaintances from Antigua, visited me. While sharing a lovely bottle of Bucheron wine, she confided to me that she was HIV positive.

WHATTTT??? This was my initial reaction but then between sips and sobs, she told me that she got it from her live-in partner of eight years, a guy whom I knew personally. I was shocked and is total dismay. She went on to explain that she has suspected he was cheating, that she had never cheated a day in their relationship. She explained that she kept begging him to get married thinking that he would settle down. She knew there were a lot of women who envied her but there was always something in the back of her mind that kept telling her there was more to him, something more sinister. Her intuition her or sixth sense was warning her but most women never recognize nor heed it. She continued that one day, she got sick while on one of her many fashion trips to the US and she had to be hospitalized…the rest is history. She returned to Antigua and confronted him, seven years later she died…he died a year later.

A sad story? Yes. Could it have had a better ending? We will never know, only because, one person decided to be selfish because he wanted the best of both worlds -  because he did not give her a choice!

In our Caribbean countries and communites, much emphasis is placed on religion and religious teachings. There is so much puritanisim, that we seem to loose the true value of what it means to be honest and forthright because we are afraid. We have to be politically correct all the time that we fail to stand up for something that we believe in.

What is sadly lacking in the leadership is a stand up approach to the organizations that stifle growth and development, especially humanitarian growth.

This article is dedicated to: Alicia. Rest in peace.

Next week: Gays and The Church!

-Denise

Denise is presently recovering from sun burns.

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